Queen Of The Lifesavers
by xxValentinexx
Summary: This is a spoof off of Lord of The Rings. THis group of people are trying to get to Doomdor so they can create more lifesavers because there is only one pack left puls it's the best candy on the planet. They encounter many interesting things on the way.
1. Characters

**Title: ****The Queen of The Lifesavers****: The Spoof off Lord of the Rings  
**Characters:

This is just the character list for the story so you don't get confused when you are reading it, and I'm sure you can guess who the people are spoofs of just by reading the text and descriptions.

Argornia - Leader of the Fellowship to get the last candy pack in North Eastern Galaxy and the Queen of Cooldor.

Elrondia - The person who formed the fellowship and has nothing to do with it.

Elf Girl - The really strange elf, who is obsessed with peace, being a princess, and flowers. She's kind of stupid but a really good fighter when she is mad. She really hates killing people for no reason.

Dew The Dew Merry Dew - A person from Bobitton, who are really tall. She is obsessed with mountain dew and if anyone steels it from her she will kill you. She also loves candy and searching for Mt. dew for a living.

S. Man - A big cape with voice over. He really wants to stop us but gets side tracked with parties but does send evil doers, that ugly thing. The Naz Black who doesn't really do anything, he sends them just to be annoying

Psycho The Dwarf - a dwarf that is really weird and annoying. He's psycho and a good fighter when he sees evil doers. But mostly… just plain weird.

Dorfro - A possessed person who is supposed to help us get the life saver pack. He acts really strange all of the time, and is annoying.

Gold Golf The Purple - Really weird and girly, likes a battle, loves to talk, hates all of us but decides to do this anyway. She also wants to kill Dorfro.

Sam - Yeah, has the most common name out of all of us, hates Dorfro, but don't we all. She loves killing things and wants to be the leader, but Argornia wont let her.

Ugly Little Being/ Dear God what is That Thing- (Gollum) who is called many different names, he never really had a real name just made up things that people would call him and were known through out the land as his name. He's really sneaky, annoying and gets pushed around.

Puppies of Isencape – A bunch of dogs. They are just here to run by us and scare us because we hear the jaws music in the back round. All they do is jump on us lick us and then run away.

Naz Black/ Creepy Black Things – They are also known as the wraiths and are extra people, their goal is to get rid of us but all they do is party around and do nothing. (They play the x-box all day.) 


	2. Scene One

This is the beginning of the story, hope you like it

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the stories mentioned in this or movies or whatever, but I do own the characters names cause I created them!!

**1st Scene**

(Everyone starts eating lifesavers; the one color that was given to them for their race)

**  
**Elf Girl: These taste really good! Got anymore?

(She then starts looking around)

Nasty Dwarf: Oh shut up you stupid elf nobody can have more but me!

Argornia: You're both wrong. That stupid retard just standing there is supposed to eat the rest. Besides if we could have anymore wouldn't you think they would have given us more!?

Elf Girl: True, very true

(She is thinking really hard and everyone just keeps on staring at her)

Nasty Dwarf: If he's supposed to get the rest of the lifesavers, then why don't we give the rest to him?

Argornia and Elf Girl: Okay!

(Then they stuff the last of the lifesavers into his and then the cape falls down off the wall showing that their actually wasn't a real person behind the cape)

Real Actress: Okay just pretend that he ate them and there are no more left. Then we get into a fight about it and he then makes more.

(Then Elf Girl goes prancing off)

Argornia: Wait, Elf Girl, he made more, there are more of them, he made more!

S. Man: Okay, so what? I have more but I'm giving them to that stinker creature that is going to lose them in one year and then you guys are going to find them, okay?

Argornia: Oh…okay, see you guys in about a year.

(Then they all walk off.)


	3. Scene Two

Disclaimer: Down own anything that isn't original or is a movie or is a book, characters are mine!!

**Scene 2**  
**One Year Later  
**Dumbo: Today is my 1,238th birthday!

Person in the field: Yeah, so what!?

Dumbo: Shut up you idiot!

Person: No, you shut up.

Dumbo: Argh, anyway I'm going to be leaving this place...

(Dumbo goes off talking about stuff and everyone just pretty much ignores him)

Sam: Why are we here anyways? We hate Dumbo .

(They are in the background)  
Merry Dew: Because he is Dorfro's uncle.

Sam: But we don't like Dorfro.

Merry Dew: We have to be here because we are cousins once or twice removed on his mother's side. I Think…

(Making a weird face)

Sam: Oh, I say we bail.

Merry Dew: Okay.

(Then they leave)

Dumbo: ...And that is where I'm going and why I'm leaving.

(Everybody is quiet)

Dumbo: Okay then, time for cake (everybody runs to the cake pushing and shoving. One guy falls into the river and another one gets pushed into the fire screaming it burns!)

(Sam and Merry Dew are hiding in a bush. They both have sling shots.)

Sam: Okay who should we hit?

Merry Dew: Well, there's Dumbo, Dorfro, that person over there, Gold Golf, some guy in a cape thinking he's a maniac...

Sam: Wait a minute, why is Gold Golf here?

Merry Dew: Uh, I thought he died. At least that's what Old Tom told me

Sam: And you believe Old Tom?

Merry Dew: No, let's hit Gold Golf!

Sam: Okay

(Then they start gathering rocks)

Dumbo: My dear Dorfro, I'm leaving these with you so don't lose them, bye.

(Dorfro just stands there looking at the package of Lifesavers.)

Dumbo: Well nice knowing you!

(Then Dumbo runs off leaving Dorfro just sitting there staring at them)


	4. Scene Three

**SCENE 3  
****2 Days Later **

(Gold Golf runs into Dorfro's house and throws him against the wall.)

Gold Golf: Where are the Lifesavers? Does anybody know about them? Do you have any cheese? Who's in that picture? Why are you so stupid?

(At this point Gold Golf has dropped Dorfro and is walking around his house pointing at things)

Sam: Stop, Mr. Dorfro can't answer those questions. He's too stupid.

Merry Dew: Yeah, but you can throw him against the wall again.

(Then Merry Dew smiles)

(Then Gold Golf throws him against the wall really hard)

Dorfro: Hey, don't I have a say in this?

Merry Dew: Of course!

Dorfro: Really?

Merry Dew: No, I just figured I should try to be nice

Gold Golf: Oh shut up and get the pack of Lifesavers, we're going to Rivendell.

Dorfro: Yeah, we're going to see Dumbo...

(Dorfro starts singing and prancing around the room)

Sam: Oh will you shut up?!

(Then Sam punches him)

Dorfro: Owe! That hurt!

Sam: It was supposed to retard

Dorfro: Oh, okay.

Gold Golf: Just shut up.

Dorfro: Yes sergeant pickle head!

(He salutes him. Then Gold Golf, Dorfro, Sam and Merry Dew all start walking across a field)


	5. Scene Four

Disclaimer: Don't won anything

**SCENE 4**

(After a while they stop at the Prancing Pony where they meet Argornia.)

Argornia: Hey guys, what's up? Gold Golf what's with the monsters?

Dorfro: Hey I'm not a monster, I'm just stupid.

Gold Golf to Argornia: He's a little possessed, but the other two are smart.

Merry Dew: Can I punch Dorfro?

Everybody: 'Course you can!

(She then punches Dorfro).

Dorfro: That hurt!… again!

Merry Dew: For the last time, when you are punched it' supposed to hurt.

Dorfro: Okay, I get it now.

Argornia: So who wants soda?

Merry Dew: Mt. Dew!

Sam: Sprite Remix!

Gold Golf: Root Beer!

Argornia: How about you Dorfro?

(Dorfro staring into space)

Argornia: Okay, I'll be right back.

(When Argornia comes back they chug it down. Then the wraiths come in.)

Argornia to Wraiths: Hey Bob, Fred, Harry and John. How's it going?

Wraith: Okay

(Then they sit down, have sodas, go upstairs, scream and come back down to have more sodas and everyone is just staring at them like they are the weirdest people on the planet)

Gold Golf: Okay, that was the weirdest thing I have ever seen

Dorfro: No this is.

(He punches himself and then falls on the ground laughing hysterically)

Gold Golf: Yeah, you're right. So Argornia can you take us to Rivendell or what?

Argornia: Sure, you guys wanna' see Elrondia huh? Okay, we'll leave in twenty.

(Then they get up and go in every which way except for Dorfro.)

Dorfro: Twenty what? Guys, come on!

**20 MINUTES LATER **

Argornia: Yo, Dorfro, why didn't you get your stuff?

Dorfro: Because I didn't know what 20 meant.

Argornia: Okay, whatever. Well, ready to go?

Everyone: Yup.

Argornia: Okay, follow me!

Gold Golf: Come on you idiots.

Dorfro: Yes sergeant pickle head!

(He or course salutes her yet again)


	6. Scene Five

Disclaimer: Don't own anything

**SCENE 5**

(They walk over the terrain and rocks until they get right on the edge of Rivendell where they meet Elf Girl.)

Argornia: Hey Elf Girl, why are you here?

Elf Girl: Elrondia said that you guys would be coming; he got the idea from Dumbo.

Gold Golf: I'm sorry but I must be off, have to get to Gumdrop. I will meet you guys in about 6 hours.

Dorfro: Where's Gumdrop?

Argornia: The capitol of Cooldor.

Dorfro: What's so special about that place?

Elf Girl: It's where they keep all of the records of the past, kind of like a big history town where all the secrets are stored

(She then gets this creapy and scary look on her face)

Dorfro: Oh, I get it.

(Then Gold Golf leaves.)

Argornia: Okay, everyone lets go!

Dorfro: Go? Go where? Guys come on! Why won't you tell me anything?

(Everybody is walking away)

Dorfro: Hey wait for me!

Elrondia: Welcome to Rivendell, I'm Elrondia.

(Elrondia mysteriously looks a lot like Gold Golf, same everything and is doesn't go unnoticed)

Merry Dew: Hey aren't you Gold Golf?

Elrondia: No.

Merry Dew: You look a lot like her and I mean a lot. Almost like twins, are you sure your not related?

Elrondia: No, anyway this way to the council.

Merry Dew: Hey Elrondia got any Mountain Dew?

Elrondia: No

Merry Dew: You suck!

Elf Girl: Cough ten things I hate about you, cough

Merry Dew: Are you saying that I steal my lines?

Elf Girl: Uh...ya!

Nasty Dwarf: (Voice of Radar Tech) I've lost the bleeps, the sweeps, and the creeps. (Voice of Dark Helmet) The what? (Voice of Col Sandurz) The what? (Voice of Dark Helmet) And the what? (Voice of Radar Tech.) You know, the bleeps (makes bleeps sounds) the sweeps (makes a sweeps sounds) and the creeps (makes creeps sounds) (Voice of Dark Helmet) that's not all he's lost (Voice of Radar Tech.) Sir, the radar it appears to be...jammed (Voice of Dark Helmet) Jammed? Raspberry. There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry (pretends to put down mask) Lone Star!

(Everyone is quite and have this really blank stare on their faces until a cricket chrips)

Elf Girl: Three things, a) that's from Spaceballs, and b) that has nothing to do with the conversation! And c) I was talking to Merry Dew not you

Nasty Dwarf: Whatever

Merry Dew: Uh…

Elrondia to Argornia: Nasty little Dwarf's a little weird, he likes to do things like that

Argornia: I can tell

Elrondia: Welcome to the council, the dwarf is Nasty Little Dwarf and we don't care about those men and you already know Elf Girl. Why are you here, you ask? Well you here to go to Doomdor, to get more Lifesavers because Dorfro has found the lost package, which is very good. You may ask why we picked you people. Well I really don't know why we picked you?! I know why we picked Argornia, because she wants to kill the S. Man. But the rest of you we just randomly picked out. I mean you all have great potential for this job but I think that we could have gotten better people, but that doesn't matter. So, we are here to talk about the last pack of Lifesavers, anybody want to go to Mt. Doom?

Elf Girl: I nominate Nasty Little Dwarf!

Nasty Dwarf: I nominate Elf Girl!

Argornia: I nominate myself, Gold Golf, Merry Dew and Dorfro!

Dorfro: And I nominate Dark Helmet! (Everyone just stares at him)

Merry Dew: Dorfro there is no Dark Helmet here.

Dorfro: Really? That sucks! That name is so cool and kick ass!

Elrondia: Okay, then it's settled all of you are going to Mt. Doom to get candy, and what not, whatever, so anyone want candy?

Everyone: Yeah!

Merry Dew: And mountain dew don't forget the mountain dew.

Elrondia: Yes, the mountain dew.

(Elrondia rolls her eyes)


	7. Scene Six

Disclaimer: Don't own anything that isn't mine!

**SCENE 6**

(After their little party and everything, they leave and Gold Golf shows up.)

Merry Dew: Hey Elrondia.

Gold Golf: I'm Gold Golf.

Merry Dew: Really? You look a lot like her, are you two related?

Gold Golf: No

(Rolls her eyes)

Merry Dew: Are you sure? You look like twins and you just did the roll eye thing.

Gold Golf: No we are not related now let's go.

(They start walking)

Merry Dew: Gold Golf did you get any mountain dew from the mountain dew factory?

Gold Golf: No and the mountain dew factory is in Rohan.

Merry Dew: Really? Cool! Are we going there?

Argornia: Probably, I mean if we feel like it or get separated or something.

Merry Dew: Awesome!

Gold Golf: Okay, now let's go.

(Then they start running across the country.)

Elf Girl: La la la la la la la la la la la la la, I love running, la la la la...

Argornia: Will you shut up?

Merry Dew: Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elder berries!

Argornia: Wow that was random.

Elf Girl: That is so from Monty Python

Merry Dew: I fart in your general direction!

Elf Girl: Right back at ya!

Merry Dew: And it's not from Monty Python.

Elf Girl: Yes it is, see?

(Then they sit down in the middle of no where and a tv shows up and they watch that part of the movie)

Merry Dew: Okay it is.

Elf Girl: I'm right, I'm right!

Nasty Dwarf: Shut up or I'll kill you.

Elf Girl: Make me!

Dorfro: You know this looks like a good time to sing a nice quiet song.

(Then everybody stops moving and they try to kill each other and look at Dorfro with looks like they are gonna kill him)

Sam: Get the little guy!

(Then everyone starts running after Dorfro with swords)

Gold Golf: Do you guys remember why were on this trip?

(Everyone stops)

Sam: Nope

Gold Golf: Let me tell you...

(Then tells them)

Argornia-Sam: Sam you still got your sling shot?

Sam: Yeah…

(Sam just stands there)

Argornia: And do you know where I'm going with this?

Sam: Kill Mr. Dorfro!

Argornia: I wish we could but no. You're going to hit Gold Golf so she will shut up

Sam: Oh, okay

(She hits her and she stops talking)

Nasty Dwarf: Okay guess we can go now

(They all get up and walk away)

Nasty Dwarf: Where are we going again?

Sam: To Doomdor, at least I think so

Elf Girl: Yep, we're going to Doomdor. Yeah more… Lifesavers to eat!

Argornia: Score!

Gold Golf: But first we need to make some more Lifesavers with the package that Dorfro is carrying with him, right?

Dorfro: Wait, what package?

Argornia: You mean you don't have the package?

Nasty Dwarf: Noooooooooooooooooooooo...

Elf Girl: Does this mean no more Lifesavers?!

Dorfro: Wait, are you talking about the Lifesaver package of candy?

Argornia: Um, yeah.

Dorfro: Oh, I have that.

Nasty Dwarf: Yes! Now I get my Lifesavers!

Elf Girl: Yeah, lifesavers!

Dorfro: Hey guys, what are Lifesavers?

Sam: A kind of candy, idiot.

Dorfro: Oh yeah.


	8. Scene Seven

Disclaimer: Don't own anything that isn't mine!

**SCENE 7**

(After Dofro being all stupid they get to the wall of Moria.)

Argornia: So how do you open it?

Gold Golf: Well it says in elvish "speak the magic phrase and enter"

Merry Dew: Phrase, phrase… oh I know one !

(She's thinking real hard and holding her head)

Gold Golf: What?

Merry Dew: Okay ready... Mountain Dew!

(And nothing happens)

Gold Golf:... anybody else want a shot?

Dorfro: Phrase!

(Same)

Sam: Open sesame

(Same)

Gold Golf: Anyone else?

Nasty Dwarf: Elf Girl's annoying!

Elf Girl: Hey!?

Argornia: Okay I got one...Dorfro is stupid and we should all kill him.

(The door opens)

Argornia: Do I rule or what?

Merry Dew: Mountain Dew rules!

Elf Girl: Flowers rule!

Nasty Dwarf: Killing people rules!

Sam: Food rules.

Dorfro: I don't know what rules.

Gold Golf: Pizza rules.

Argornia: Guys, you are all copying me so I rule!

Gold Golf: Okay, why don't you all just shut up or I'm going to jump off the cliff and kill myself.

Sam: Wow, that was random

Gold Golf: Yeah I know, but I can't take you guys yelling at each other anymore

(Then everyone starts yelling and screaming at each other)

Gold Golf: Okay, that's it!

(Then she jumps off the cliff)

Argornia: Wow, she really did it; I was just making noise to see if she would

Merry Dew: Same here

Nasty Dwarf: Oh well, nobody to yell at us

Elf Girl: Yeah!

Dorfro: Dude what just happened?

Argornia: Um, Gold Golf died, duh!?

Dorfro: She did? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

Sam: Dude what's with that?

Merry Dew: No clue.

Dorfro: Okay, I'm done.

Elf Girl: Man, you are really weird.

Dorfro: I know.

Argornia: Hey anyone want pizza?

Everyone: Yeah!

Sam: Wait how are you going to get pizza. We're in a dark tunnel, with no phones and no other people.

Argornia: I'm going to get it with a cell phone and goblin delivery, duh!

Nasty Dwarf: How do you know about goblin delivery? Only dwarves are supposed to know about that!

Argornia: When you are supposed to be the Queen of Cooldor, you've got to know these things.

Nasty Dwarf: Gotcha

(Argornia then calls for pizza and in twenty minutes it was delivered)

Elf Girl: That is so cool; I wish I was the Queen of Kirkwood!

Merry Dew: I thought you were the princess of Kirkwood?

Elf Girl: Oh yeah, I am cool!

Nasty Dwarf: You're weird.

Elf Girl:...Crap I forgot my lines, Nate what are my lines?

Nate: They are, I know you are but what am I?

Elf Girl: Oh thanks

Elf Girl: I know you are but what am I

Nasty Dwarf: You're stupid, and that's the stupidest line ever

Elf Girl: I know

Dorfro: So where do we go from here?

(Dorfro said this when they are were done eating their pizza)

Sam: Wow, something smart just came out of his mouth!

Nasty Dwarf: Let's take a picture!

Merry Dew: I've got a camera!

Elf Girl: Oh, I found these nerdy looking glasses on the floor, put them on, they make

you look smart!

(Then they all get into one big group and take a picture of them with Dorfro looking smart, with the glasses on and then he puts them in his pocket)

Sam: Okay, back to what Dorfro said, where are we going from here?

Argornia: We are going to the end battle, wait why do they call it the end battle. It's not the end of the movie. Nate why do they call it that?

Nate (The actor): I don't know. You wrote the script

Argornia: Oh yeah, I did

Argornia: Okay... okay it must be this tunnel because I forgot my line too and I know it's a really easy line

Nate: It's; okay, let's go

Argornia: That is easy


	9. Scene Eight

Disclaimer: Don't own anything that isn't mine!

**SCENE 8**

(And then they walk out of the tunnel and run to the place where the end fight scene is supposed to be.)

Argornia: This is where the fighting is supposed to be

(Standing on a big "X")

Merry Dew: Now, how do you know that?

Argornia: Because it says here in the script, duh?

(Argornia is holding a copy of the script)

Argornia: And there is a big "X" here too

Nasty Dwarf: Why do you have a copy of the script?

Argornia: I found it on the ground

Nasty Dwarf: Oh…

Sam: So, where are the orcs?

Argornia: They should be here any minute now…

**TEN MINUTES LATER**

Argornia: Any minute now…

(Everyone is on the ground and Dorfro is running around a tree siging)

**TEN MINUTES LATER**

Argornia: Any minute now…

(Dorfro is still running around a tree)

Nasty Dwarf: You said that ten minutes ago, and Dorfro will you stop running around that tree?!

Dorfro: Fine. (sits down)

Argornia: I know I said that ten minutes ago, just shut up

**TEN MINUTES LATER**

(Orcs come running over the bend and everyone is mad at them, they are standing still with their arms crossed)

Orc: Dudes, sorry we were late

(Nobody says anything)

Orc: Hello, we're sorry!

Argornia: You guys are Thirty minutes late

Sam: We were about to leave

Merry Dew: Dude where were you guys?

Orc: We got interviewed for a documentary

Elf Girl: On what?

Orc: We really don't know, but I think it was on being an Orc.

Historian: Can I have a couple more quotes?

(Walks up behind everyone, he's a really old guy who has big glasses)

Argornia: Was this the guy who was interviewing you?

Orc: Yup, that's the one, wait a minute, nope that's him alright

(Argornia then stabs him and he does nothing)

Historian: So what about those quotes?

Argornia: Dude I just cut off your arm?

Historian: So, 'tis a flesh wound

(Then they cut off his legs)

Historian: Can I have those quotes now?

Orc: Will this guy ever die?

Argornia: Wait a minute

(Argornia comes back with a rock and drops it on his head)

Historian: I'm still alive

Argornia: We're just gonna leave him there

Merry Dew: Yeah, now we can fight!

(Dear God comes crawling up on the ground)

Dear God: Must kill Dorfro, musty kill Dorfro, must kill Dorfro...

Argornia: Who are you?

Merry Dew: Come on, I just want to fight

Dear God: My name is Dear God What is That Thing; well that's the most common one for this month. But you can just call me Dear God.

Sam: That's really strange

Dear God: Yeah I know

Dorfro: I can tell why they call you stinker

Dear God: Hey you better shut up I'm supposed to kill!

Dorfro: Why do you want to kill me?

Dear God: Um because it says that in the script

(Dear God pointing to the line in the script)

Nasty Dwarf: Where is everyone getting these scripts?

Dear God: I found mine on the ground

Argornia: Same here

Nasty Dwarf: Where on the ground?

Dear God: By the river there's a pile of scripts you can go get one

Nasty Dwarf: I want to stay and fight

Orc: Yeah, can we get on with the fighting?

Argornia: Oh yeah

(Then they all start fighting and they win and they find Dorfro at the riverbed)

Argornia: Dude Dorfro why are you at the riverbend?

Dear God: He's supposed to get into the boat and then flip over into the water

Nasty Dwarf: How do you know that?

Dear God: It says that in the script

(Dear God then throws Nasty Dwarf a script)

Nasty Dwarf: Oh, thanks

(Then Dorfro gets into the boat goes a little while out and then flips it, he then swims back and we all laugh at him)

Dorfro: What's so funny?

Sam: You!

Dorfro: Oh, okay

Dear God: Hey guys it says here that we should head for Rohan in ten minutes

Elf Girl: Really?

(Then she looks at the script)

Elf Girl: Hey it does

Argornia: Well we should fallow the script

**TEN MINUTES LATER**

Merry Dew: Okay, let's go!

(And then they run off into the woods)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tell me what you think about my story, fyi if you haven't guessed by now it's written like it was supposed to be a script!

Please Review!


	10. Scene Nine

Disclaimer: Don't own anything that isn't mine!

**SCENE 9**

(Then they walk onward through the forest and then get to wide open plains)

Merry Dew: Mountain dew, mountain dew, I love mountain dew...

Nasty Dwarf: Will you shut up!

Elf Girl: Why are you so obsessed with mountain dew?

Merry Dew: When I was little my mom would always tell me to drink juice but my mom didn't buy any juice. One day so I saw something green and thought it was juice. I had some, loved it, learned it was mountain dew and now that's pretty much all I drink.

Elf Girl: Wow, that was so touching

(She starts crying)

Argornia: Oh suck it up, it wasn't that sad

Elf Girl: I now, but it seemed like the time to cry

Argornia to herself: I'm with a bunch of Looney people

Dorfro: I heard that!

Argornia: And do you think I care?

Dorfro: Nope.

Argornia: Right.

Dorfro: I'm getting smarter and smarter by the day.

(He puts the glasses they found in the tunnel back on)

Dorfro: See, the glasses!!

(He then points at them and his eyes are cross eyed)

Sam: No your not.

Dear God: He's right, the only reason I'm not killing you is because you're getting dumber and dumber

Sam: See!

Dorfro: Oh, man, oh well

(Then he takes the glasses off)

Merry Dew: Man, you are really weird

Dorfro: I know

Argornia: Come on let's move it people

Merry Dew: My, aren't we grumpy today

Argornia: I'll kill you if you don't shut up

Merry Dew: Shutting up

(They start walking for a while and nobody is talking until Merry Dew makes them stop)

Merry Dew: Hold up

Argornia: What now?

Merry Dew: Mountain dew

Argornia: I told you we would stop at the plant if you stayed quiet!

Merry Dew: No, there is mountain dew right there!

(She goes over to a case of mountain dew, picks up a back pack and puts it in. Then she finds a path of mountain dew and picks all of them up until they get to the plant)

Merry Dew: You said we could go in

Argornia: ...

Nasty Dwarf: Beeeeeeeeeeeeep

Argornia: Now, what the

Nasty Dwarf: Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

Argornia: Can you please stop that I'm not swearing

Nasty Dwarf: Oh I know. I just thought it would be cool for people to think you are swearing

Argornia: You're an ass hole

Nasty Dwarf: Damnit I missed the beeping

Argornia: Ha-ha so did you for yourself!

Merry Dew: Hey what about the plant?

Argornia: Yeah yeah, we will talk about this later

(Argornia says that to Nasty Dwarf as they walk in. About a half an hour later they walk out with ice cream in their hands)

Merry Dew: This is so cool; I never knew they made mountain dew ice cream

Sam: And it tastes pretty good

Elf Girl: I have never had ice cream before

Dear God: You have got to be kidding

Elf Girl: My dad always said "You're a princess, you can't eat food that you can get addicted to"

Dear God: You can't get addicted to ice cream

Elf Girl: Really?

Dear God: Duh!

Elf Girl: Cool, I'm having ice cream everyday of my life

Argornia to Dear God: I think you've created a monster

Dear God: Its okay, her dad can deal with it, I mean he's a king so he should be able to

Argornia: True


	11. Scene Ten

Disclaimer: Don't own anything that isn't mine!

**SCENE 10**

(After they finish all of their ice cream, they leave for Helm's Deep. Dorfro is complaining all of the way about his legs hurting and saying "are we there yet?" every minute)

Dear God: Are we there yet?

Merry Dew: Dear God and Dorfro will you just shut up!

Dorfro: Nope

Argornia: Shut up or I'll kill you!

(Then she takes out her sword and points it to his head)

Dorfro: Okay, okay, shutting up!

(They all shut up for a little while and then Nasty Dwarf starts yelling for the heck of it breaks the silence)

Dear God: Wait guys, before we go to the battle we have to go through the forest

Argornia: Really

Dear God: Yup, says right here in the script

Nasty Dwarf: He's right. (Nasty Dwarf looks at his script and points to the spot)

Merry Dew: Well let's go and get it over with then.

(Then they started walking into a forest that they decided would do for the one they were supposed to go in. Then out of the blue Gold Golf shows up)

Dorfro: Yeah she's back

Sam and Merry Dew: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

(Merry Dew then falls to her knees along with Sam)

Gold Golf: Oh shut up, I'm not Gold Golf anymore

Argornia: So, who are you?

Purple: Gold Golf the Purple

Dear God: Wow big change

Purple: Hey it is, now I'm purple

(Form now on she will be referred to as Purple)

Dear God: Wow, a whole other color

Purple: Who are you anyways?

Dear God: Well this month it's Dear God what is that Thing or Stinker, so call me stinker or Dear God

Purple: And you are with us because…?

Dear God: It says in the script that I am supposed to tell and kill Dorfro for the rest of the movie; I met up with them at the battle scene

Purple: Okay, whatever

Argornia: Do we have to do anything else in this forest

Dear God: Nope

Argornia: Okay let's go to Helm's Deep

**TEWNTY MINUTES LATER**

Elf Girl: Hey guys look Helm's Deep

Dorfro: So we are there

Argornia: (in a mean voice) Yes we are

Dorfro: Cool

Nasty Dwarf: Looks like there has already been a battle

Argornia: Really

Merry Dew: Man we missed it, this stinks, you guys are all assholes

(She then takes a sword at starts hitting the dead people)

Elf Girl: What do you mean we missed it? I wanted to kill some orcs today.

(Elf Girl gets her bow out puts and arrow in it and points it down to Helm's Deep)

Argornia: Okay calm down

(Merry Dew stops killing already dead orcs and Elf Girl puts her bow down)

Merry Dew: Man I wanted to fight and pretend the orcs heads were Gold Golf's and Dorfro's

Purple and Dorfro: Hey

Merry Dew: I don't like you guys

(With Merry Dew saying that a man in a black cape comes up to them)

Argornia: Who are you? I know you aren't a Wring Wraith because they are my friends and they would say hi

S. Man: I am the S. Man

Nasty Dwarf: And that stands for?

S. Man: Nothing, just call me the S. Man

Dear God: Okay then, S. Man what do you want?

S. Man: Nothing I just saw you guys talking about how the battle was already fought and I was wondering if you wanted another one?

Argornia: Really, you would give us another battle?

S. Man: Of course I would

Argornia: Wow, that is so cool

Nasty Dwarf: Yes, a battle!

Elf Girl: Oh no, are people going to die?

S. Man: No, I'll just give you my stupid orcs to kill; I really didn't know how to get rid of them

Argornia: So what you are saying, is that you don't want anyone to die and you want us to kill them for your sake

S. Man: Pretty much

Argornia: Oh? Okay.

(Then the S. Man goes away and they all go down to Helm's Deep and tell the people of Rohan about the plan. They all agree to it and twenty minutes later some really stupid orcs show up. They start fighting, Argornia has a machine gun along with everyone else, but Elf Girl is standing there with a flower dancing around. The fight only takes about ten minutes and after that they start walking to the Rohan palace to have food and celebrate but on the way there something bad happens.)

Dorfro: Um guys I lost the Lifesaver pack

Argornia: What did you just say?

Dorfro: I lost the life saver pack

Purple: When did you lose it?

(Then she pushes him against a tree?)

Dorfro: I don't remember (He says hesitantly)

Nasty Dwarf: Great how will we find it and get to the party on time?

Argornia: I know, Dear God get me the video cassette of Queen of the Lifesavers the movie

Dear God: Be right back

(Dear God walks over behind the scenes to a wall labeled "Mr. Rental." He looks through the sections.)

Purple: May I speak with you please?

Argornia: Yup  
Purple: How could there be a cassette of Queen of The Lifesavers- the Movie? We're still in the middle of making it.

Argornia: That's true, but there's been a new breakthrough in home- video marketing.

Purple: There has?

Argornia: Yes, instant cassettes. They're out in stores before the movie is finished.

Purple: Naaaaa.

Dear God: Here it is! Queen of the Lifesavers.

Argornia: Good work Dear God. Punch it.

(Dear God starts the tape. It starts at the FBI warning.)

Argornia: Started much too early. Prepare to fast-forward.

Dear God: Preparing to fast-forward.

Purple: Don't prepare just fast-forward!

Dear God: Fast-forwarding.

(Starts to fast-forward and we see the part where Dorfro gets punched.)

Dorfro: Go past this. In fact never play this again

(We see him get punched again)

Argornia: Try here, stop.

(The movie stops at the exact same thing that is actually happening now. Purple looks at the camera, and then she turns back to the monitor. Argornia looks at the camera when Purple looks back at the monitor, then she looks back at the monitor. Purple looks at the camera when Argornia looks back at the monitor. When Purple turns back, she waves her hand. She turns back to the camera.)

Purple: What he hell am I looking at?

Argornia: Now. You're looking at now. Everything that happens now is happening now.

Purple: What happened to then?

Argornia: We passed then.

Purple: When?

Argornia: Just now. We're at now, now.

Purple: Go back to then

Argornia: When?

Purple: Now

Argornia: Now?

Purple: Now

Argornia: I can't.

Purple: Why?

Argornia: We missed it.

Purple: When?

Argornia: Just now.

Purple: When will then be now?

(Dear God rewinds the tape. He stops at the point when Dorfro loses the Lifesavers.)

Argornia: Soon

Purple: How soon?

Dear God: Guys?

Argornia and Purple: What?  
Dear God: I found where Dorfro lost the Lifesavers

Purple: Where?

Dear God: Helm's Deep

Argornia: Good we'll go there.

Purple: When?

Dear God: Nineteen Hundred hours.

Argornia: Good we'll be there before the feast starts.

Purple: WHERE?!

Argornia: Helm's Deep, duh?

Nasty Dwarf: Shouldn't we get going?

Argornia: Dear God what time is it?

Dear God: Nineteen Hundred

Argornia: Good we can go.

Sam: Then let's go!

Argornia: Okay!

Purple: I hate you people

Dorfro: I love you two

(He then hugs her)

Purple: Let go of me right now before I kill you!

(Dorfro automatically lets go of her)

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hope you guys like it so far. I had to put that little bit from Spaceballs in there, don't own the movie, well I do but you know what I mean.

Review!


	12. Scene Eleven

Disclaimer: Don't own anything that isn't mine!

**Scene 11**

Nasty Dwarf and Dear God singing: Dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink...

Purple: Will you two shut up?!

Nasty Dwarf: Dink, dink

Dear God: Dink, dink

Argornia: Anyone got any idea on what they are saying?

Dorfro: Nope

Merry Dew: Nope

Argornia: I'm surrounded by two really big idiots

Purple: Make that four

(Purple points to Elf Girl and Dorfro talking to Nasty Dwarf and Dear God in the Dink language.)

Elf Girl: Dink, dink, dink?

Dorfro: Dink

Nasty Dwarf: Dink, dink ,dink, dink, dink

Dear God: Dink, dink

Purple: I think I'm going to kill myself again

Argornia: No don't, Merry, Sam and I would be the only sane ones left

Purple: True

Merry Dew: Hey guys I found the Lifesaver package.

Argornia: Bring it here!

Merry Dew: Okay

(Then Merry Dew brings the Lifesaver package over to Argornia.)

Argornia: This is staying with me until they get their senses back.

Purple: That might be along time

Merry Dew: Great!

Argornia: Whatever. Everyone let's head to the party!

Nasty Dwarf, Dear God, Elf Girl and Dorfro: (singing) Dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink.

(Finally they get to Rohan and everyone there starts to talk Dink and Argornia, Merry Dew, Sam and Purple look like they are going to kill themselves or at least everyone else.)

Merry Dew: Is this whole world insane or something?

Everyone but Purple, Sam and Argornia: Yes!!!

Merry Dew: Just what I thought, so guys what do you want to do until they stop?

Argornia: Have some food, pizza

Purple: Yeah, since you guys had pizza without me

Sam: Sorry, you killed yourself.

Purple: True

(Then all four of them go into the Great Hall where nobody is.)

(Argornia then starts to order pizza).

Pizza Guy: Who should I charge this to?

Argornia:... wait a minute

Argornia: (covering the phone) should I charge this to the King?

Merry Dew: Do it, do it, do it.

Purple: Yeah! Charge it to the King

Sam: Yeah he'll be sooo pissed!

Argornia: Are you still there?

Pizza Guy: Yup

Argornia: Okay, charge it to the King of Rohan, okay?

Pizza Guy: Yup, it should be there in twenty minutes or less

Argornia: Thanks.

**TEWNTY MINUTES LATER**

Purple: This pizza is so good

Merry Dew: Yea! Hey Argornia did you lock the door on the idiots?

Argornia: Yup, there is no possible way to get in.

(Right then they look at the window and people are squished to it.)

Sam: Now that is a priceless moment

(Argornia gets out her camera and takes a picture.)

Merry Dew: I think we should eat this fast before they break the windows

Purple: Deal

(Then they eat it all just in time for them to break the windows.)

Nasty Dwarf: You ate all the pizza

Argornia: Duh!  
Merry Dew: Are you guys done having your weird conversation?

Dorfro: Yup, everything was cleared up.

Merry Dew: Whatever.


	13. Scene Twelve

Disclaimer: Don't own anything that isn't mine!

**SCENE 12**

(Then they leave and get to the paths of the dead.)

Argornia: Okay, it says here in the script that only me, Nasty Dwarf and Elf Girl are supposed to go into the paths.

Dear God: Man I wanted to go into the paths, they look dark and scary

Sam: Dear god what is that thing, shut up

Dear God: Are you talking to me?

Sam: Yeah, we decided to go by your whole name for the moment, at least that's what the script says

(They then converse over the script)

Dear God: Whatever, so can I go with you guys?

Argornia: Sorry it only says we are supposed to go in.

Nasty Dwarf: Then let's go

Elf Girl: We'll be back within two hours, so just wait here.

Nasty Dwarf: (Calling from the tunnel) Come on you two lets go.

Argornia: We're coming

(Then they leave into the tunnel)

Nasty Dwarf: So does it say why we are here?

Argornia: (Looking at the script) Nope, well it says we are supposed to meet  
the dead King.

Elf Girl: Ewe, dead, I hate dead things

Nasty Dwarf: Oh suck it up you baby

Elf Girl: Dead things are gross

Argornia: Will you two just shut up

Nasty Dwarf and Elf Girl: Fine

Argornia: We should go this way

(Pointing to her left)

Nasty Dwarf: And how do you know that?

Argornia: Because it says here in the script, duh!

Elf Girl: See

(She shoves the script into Nasty Dwarf's face)

Dead King: Who dares to disrupt me!

Elf Girl: Not me, I was just leaving

(Starts to run away)

Argornia: Get back here you baby

Elf Girl: Fine, you guys are meanies

(Comes back)

Argornia: So you're the dead king, huh?

Dead King: Yup, and who might you be?

Argornia: The Queen of Cooldor

Dead King: Really, I haven't seen you in like forever

Argornia: And when have you seen me?

Dead King: I don't know, I just said that for the heck of it

Nasty Dwarf: So, why are we here?

Dead King: Right, I'm supposed to tell you, The S. Man is very bad and evil and that he plans to burn and or melt the last package of Lifesavers so don't let him get it, o and you are allowed to kill Dorfro after you get The S. Man to make more Lifesavers. And if you guys mess that up, my people and I will come and save you

Argornia: That's all?

Dead King: Yup, see ya whenever

Argornia, Elf Girl and Nasty Dwarf: Bye

(Then they all walk out. When they get out they are greeted by everyone else)

Sam: What did he say?

Purple: I'm supposed to ask that

Sam: So

Purple: What did he say?

Dear God: Was it creepy, did anyone touch you, were they really dead

Elf Girl: It was creepy, nobody touched us and yes they were really dead, it was disgusting.

Argornia: He just told me things we need to know when we get to Doomdor, that's all.

Merry Dew: So are we gonna go there or what?

Argornia: Yeah

Purple: To Cooldor then

Dorfro: Why Cooldor?

Purple: Because you have to pass through there to get to Doomdor.

Dorfro: Oh, okay

(Then they all leave the paths and start walking to Cooldor.)


	14. Scene Thirteen

Disclaimer: Don't own anything that isn't mine!

**Scene 13**

**TEN MINUTES LATER **

(They walk up to a sign that says "Welcome to Cooldor")

Guy at The Gate: Why are you going to Cooldor? If it's a good reason get out your passports.

Dorfro: To get more Lifesavers

Guy at the Gate: Well that's a good enough reason for me!

(Then they give him their passports and he lets them in.)

Guy at the Gate: Hey, aren't you the Queen of Cooldor?

Argornia: Um, yeah, you saw me but don't tell The S. Man or his orcs that I'm back.

Guy at the Gate: Gotcha, you in trouble with him or something?

Argornia: No, I don't want him to know that I am with these guys.

Guy at the Gate: Okay, I never saw you.

(Then they walk through)

Purple: Why don't you want the S. Man to know that you're with us?

Argornia: Because I'm the number one person on his hit list

Nasty Dwarf: So, if he knew you were with us he would kill us all?

Argornia: Yup

Sam: But he's already seen us and you?

Argornia: Yes, but he didn't know it was me because I had my hood over my face.

Merry Dew: Now that makes sense.

Elf Girl: Has he ever seen you before?

Argornia: Nope

Elf Girl: Then how are you his number one person on his hit list

Argornia: Because I cut his armies in half with one fight

Purple: How did you do that? I couldn't even do that and I'm a wizard!

Argornia: I'm special, and I really don't know, my mom told me that my father was a wizard and I think I just got some of his power in me.

Purple: He would have to have been a great wizard. Where are you from?

Argornia: I don't know where my dad's from because I don't know him but my mom was the Queen of Cooldor. So, right now I'm supposed to be in rule but I took a break

Sam: That's weird.

Argornia: Yeah, I know but my people didn't care.

Nasty Dwarf: My people would probably care if our King left us for a while.

Elf Girl: My people probably would too because they wouldn't want me to govern them.

Merry Dew: You're not supposed to know that your people don't like you

Elf Girl: Really?

Merry Dew: Um yeah

Elf Girl: Wow, I just listened to people when I was younger and they would say that I'm too peaceful and if there was a war I would let them get killed. That is true unless the people that are attacking hurt me in some way.

Dorfro: That was so touching

(He starts to cry)

Argornia: What was?

Dorfro: The story

Elf Girl: Wow, you are weird

Purple: You guys are all weird with the Dink thing

Nasty Dwarf: Dink!

Argornia: Great look what you started

Merry Dew: I'm gonna kill you

(Then she starts to run after Purple, the rest of them, but Argornia, start talking in the Dink language.)

Argornia: (Walking away) I'm surrounded by a bunch of idiots

(Then she stands in front of the camera)

Argornia: I hope you realize that I might kill them before the movie ends unless someone tells them to shut up.

Person in the Background: Guys come on and shut up so we can finish the movie

Nasty Dwarf and Dorfro: Fine, you know you spoil our fun

Person: Like I care  
Argornia: Can we just get on with the movie?

Sam: Fine

Merry Dew: I couldn't catch her

(She comes back out of breath)

Purple: Are you gonna kill me now?

(As she walks back out of breath)

Merry Dew: No, they stopped it

Argornia: Can we get on with the movie already?

Everyone else: Yup

Purple: Where were we?

Argornia: Walking through Cooldor

Merry Dew: Okay

Dorfro: Where are we going again?

Nasty Dwarf: Doomdor you moronic idiot

Dorfro: Thank you

Elf Girl: That wasn't a complement, even I know that

Dorfro: Really?

Argornia: Can you just shut up for the rest of the trip?

Dorfro: Yup

(He then puts the glasses back on)

Sam: Why did you put the glasses back on, you aren't doing anything smart

Dorfro: Because when I put them on and cross my eyes it looks cool

(Everyone is silent)

Purple: Give me them

(She then takes them away and puts them in her pocket)

Argornia: Thank you.

(Then Nasty Dwarf, Dear God and Dorfro start making faces at the camera behind all of their backs.)

Purple: I know what you guys are doing

Dorfro: Man you spoil everything  
Purple: Like I care

(Dorfro and Nasty Dwarf keep making faces Purple looking like she's gonna kill them)  
Argornia to Purple: Just let them keep on doing that, it makes them feel special.

Purple: Special...mentally special if that's what you mean by special. But if they start their stupid language then I'm gonna kill them,

Argornia: Same here

Merry Dew: I think we're all gonna kill them if they do that again

Argornia: Yeah we probably will

Merry Dew: Hey anyone got any Mountain Dew?

Argornia: Wow that was random

Merry Dew: I know, but does anyone have any?

Everyone: Nope

Purple: Didn't you get a lot when we were in Rohan?

Merry Dew: I did but I drank it all

Elf Girl: That was a lot of Mt. Dew

Merry Dew: Yeah I know

(Merry Dew smiles)

Dorfro: Wow everybody in this group is weird, by weird I mean really weird

(Dorfro, Dear God and Nasty Dwarf start making faces at the camera again.)

(Everyone else stares at them with this dumbfounded look)

Purple: We're weird?

Dorfro: Um...yeah

Argornia: The one that makes faces at the camera says we're weird right!

Purple: Correction you're weird

(Says this to Dorfro)

Dorfro: Okay

Argornia: Can we just get through Cooldor before everyone notices I'm back?

Sam: Sure


	15. Scene Fourteen

Disclaimer: Don't own anything that isn't mine!

**SCENE 14**

(Then they start walking threw Cooldor but then Argornia realizes that they have to walk through the main part of the capital to get to Doomdor.)

Argornia: Now the S. Man is definitely gonna know I'm here.

Dorfro: We should all dress up as orcs

Purple: And what would that prove?

Dorfro: Well we can say that we were the only ones left from the battle at the river and we are just getting back to the S. Man

Purple: Argornia do you have your people kill orcs?

Argornia: I only tell them to kill orcs if they are attacking us, other than that, they are always in our bars.

Purple: Then that plan might work

Sam: Wait a minute, are you telling us that we are gonna go through with a plan that Dorfro made up?

Purple: Yeah... that's really sad isn't it?

Elf Girl: Um... yeah

Merry Dew: Are you sure that we should go through with this

Argornia: I'm the leader and I say why not, if we get caught we can just kill Dorfro and be done with him!

( Purple then hands Dorfro his glasses so he can feel special)

Everyone but Dorfro: Okay

Dorfro: Wait, shouldn't I conduct the plan because I made it up?

Merry Dew: Um...no (Then they all change into orcs outfits.)

Nasty Dwarf: Guys guess what, who am I?

Argornia: A dead orc

Nasty Dwarf: Man how did you know that

(Disappointed look on his face)

Argornia: Um, I wonder

Purple: Let's just go

Dorfro: Yes Sergeant pickle head

Purple: Will you shut up with that! And just for that I get the glasses back!

(Takes them and puts them back in her pocket)

Argornia: Why does he call you that?

Purple: I have no clue

Dear God: I know why!

Purple: Why?

Dear God: I don't know really, but I think that in one of his dreams that he had dreamt that he was in the army and that your name was Sergeant Pickle Head. So now he just calls you that, and that's my story.

Purple: Okay then, I might just go with he's just weird and you're messed up.

Dear God: Oh, you're no fun anymore

(Starts to walk away)

Purple: And do I care

Merry Dew: And is that the only thing that you boys say?

Dorfro: No, we say some more stupid things too

Dear God: With the look on your face, nope you don't

Argornia: I'm with a bunch of morons

Dorfro: Why are you with a bunch of morons and who are they?

(Turns his face to look at Argornia and has those weird glasses with the eyes popping out on his face)

Argornia: That just proves that you're a bigger idiot than I thought.

Dorfro: Thanks

Merry Dew: I don't think that what she said was a complement.

Dorfro: Oh, okay

Elf Girl: Now you guys you shouldn't be mean to each other, we should all be nice

(Everyone just stares at her)

Elf Girl: Dink?

Argornia, Merry Dew, Sam and Purple: God no!

Elf Girl, Nasty Dwarf, Dorfro and Dear God: Dink dink dink dink dink dink dink dink dink dink dink dink dink dink dink dink dink ...

Merry Dew: Will it ever stop?

Dear God: No way!

Argornia: Anyone up for killing Elf Girl?  
Purple: Where is she?

Person from the Town as they enter: Excuse me, but why are you coming through this town?

Merry Dew in a deep voice: Um...we are the only orcs left from a big battle and we are trying to get back to the S. Man

Person: The S. Man!

Merry Dew: Um... (Gulp) yeah

Person: Tell him we said hi. Okay?

Merry Dew: Sure

Dorfro: Dink

Person: What was that?

(Sam is holding her hand over Dorfro's mouth)

Merry Dew: He's just a little weird, from the battle I'm afraid, brain damage

Person: Okay, hey do you guys know who you were fighting in the battle?

Merry Dew: Um...yeah

Person: Who was it?

Merry Dew: Um, Elf Girl, Dew the Dew Merry Dew, Dorfro, Nasty little Dwarf, and Sam, oh and Argornia

(Argornia kicks Merry Dew)

(A crowd surrounds them)

Person: Is our queen okay? When will she be back? Her brother really isn't the best ruler

Merry Dew: Your Queen's fine, she'll probably be back in a couple of days, and I will agree that her brother isn't the best ruler

Argornia: I will agree with that, her brother is an idiot, I'm sorry but we really must be on our way

Person: Okay, thanks for the information

(Then they start to walk out of the city )


	16. Scene Fifteen

Disclaimer: Don't own anything that isn't mine!

**SCENE 15**

Nasty Dwarf: Why's your brother an idiot?

Argornia: Who knows

Sam: How is he an idiot?

Argornia: He thinks that he can do whatever he wants, like be a wizard, ruler and the top maker of all a candy maker

Purple: In his dreams

Argornia: That's what I said

Elf Girl: I've met him and he's not that bad

(They all stare at her)

Elf Girl: Okay, maybe he's a little annoying

(They still keep on staring at her)

Elf Girl: Okay, he's an idiot and very annoying

Nasty Dwarf: Okay, can we take these stupid costumes off now?

Purple: Nope we have to wait until we get into the mountain and fortress of Doomdor.

Nasty Dwarf: Poopy

(Then they walk up to the Black gate surrounding the Fortress)

Orc: And where were you guys?

Argornia: We were at the battle near the river bend fighting against the people from Rivendell; we are the only ones that survived.

Orc: Really, how was it? The S. Man was waiting for you to come back, come on in

(The black gate opens and they walk inside)

Orc: The S. Man said that when you guys come back that you can relax for a week, um we just got a bunch of new video games so everyone is playing on the x-box's, I think that there are two free over there

(Pointing to wall with two TV's on it)

Dorfro: Xbox, score!

Argornia: What games did we get?

Orc: Halo, Halo 2, James Bond, we have a bunch of those, Dungeons and Dragons, Counterstrike, Splinter Cell, Fable, Burnout Revenge, Mercenaries and a bunch of others, mostly any game that has to deal with killing and some form of war, then we have it.

Merry Dew: Sweet

(Then they all walk over to the x-box's, Sam, Purple, Merry Dew and Elf Girl walk over to one of them and Argornia, Dear God, Nasty Dwarf and Dorfro walk over to the other one)

Dear God: We got Halo 2

Sam: Fine, we get Halo and then Halo2 after you guys

Argornia: Deal

Nasty Dwarf: Did you guys rig these games so you could play co-op 4 player?

Orc: Yup, we're very proud of our selves

Nasty Dwarf: Cool

Argornia: Okay only 2 hours playing this game, we'll take turns playing 2 player

Dorfro: But you can play four player!

Dear God: But you get really small screens, duh!

Dorfro: True

Sam: How long do we have?

(She's asking this as she is playing the game and killing a grunt with the warthog)

Argornia: Two hours, then we got to get back to business

Dorfro: What business?

Argornia: You know

(She says this as she kills a bunch of grunts and other things)

Dorfro: Nope I don't know

Nasty Dwarf: God, never mind

(They all go back to watching or playing the games, then we flash to a sign saying two hours later)

Argornia: You stupid brute, die

Nasty Dwarf: Where's stinky bad bad?

Dear God: Right over there

Sam: What level are you guys on?

Dorfro: Um...

Argornia: No clue, near the end though

Purple: We should probably get off because it has been two hours

(As she is playing)

Dear God: How do you know that?

Merry Dew: Because a sign just flashed saying two hours later

Argornia: Right, then we should go

(Then they turn the x boxes off and get up)

Argornia: Okay where do we go now?

Dear God: This way

Elf Girl: And how do you know that. We have never been here.

Dear God: I have been here and plus there are maps over there

(Pointing to the entrance of the building)

Elf Girl: Right

(Then they all go over and grab a map, then an Orc walks up to them)

Orc: Why do you have those maps, haven't you been here before?

Argornia: No we were made by Soursam in Isengaurd

Orc: Okay, sorry I thought you guys were imposters

Dear God: Nope

Orc: Well see ya around

(Then he walks away)

Sam: That was a close one

Dorfro: Shouldn't we have asked that Orc for directions I mean we have no clue where we are.

(He starts to walk after him)

Purple: (Grabbing him) No you little idiot, we can find out where to go with these

Nasty Dwarf: Where do we want to go?

(Everyone is looking at the map)

Argornia: Let's see, the black gate...no, game room...no, dinner...maybe later, the tunnels?

Merry Dew: Where do they lead?

Elf Girl: If they are dark a creepy then I won't go I'll just stay here

Nasty Dwarf: With all the dark and creepy orcs

Argornia: The tunnel leads...out of the castle; we'll use that as our escape route

Sam: Guys. I think we should go to the room labeled the S. Man's office

Dorfro: He lives here?

Purple: One more stupid question out of your mouth and I'll tape it shut

Dorfro: Fine

Argornia: Okay let's go

Nasty Dwarf: Wait a minute shouldn't we go to the candy lab?

Merry Dew: Candy lab, where is that?

Dear God: Down the hall and make a right at the next hall then it's the first door on your left

Argornia: And how do you know this

Dear God: I was trapped in here for six days and that's where I was supposed to stay.

Argornia: Then I think we should go there

Dorfro: Why should we go there, we don't have any candy to make do we?

Purple: Okay you asked for it

(Then she tapped his mouth shut)

Argornia: Let's go

(Then they start walking down the hall they get a little nervous when they are about to open the door because an Orc comes up to them)

Orc: Why are you guys going in there?

Merry Dew: It's our first time here so we wanted to see everything

Orc: Where are you guys from

Sam: Isengaurd

Orc: Oh, you're the new brand of orcs, you are supposedly more tougher than the rest of us, is that why you are here

Argornia: That's why we were sent here

Orc: Then let's fight right now you against me, to see who the tougher kind of Orc is

(He puts his fists up)

Argornia: Whatever

Orc: Come on

(Orc is dodging from side to side)

Argornia: You have got to be kidding me

(She takes out her sword sand stabs him in the leg)

Orc: (falling) I will admit that you are smarter than us

Purple: Yeah we can kind of see that, now will you let us get on our way?

Orc: Sure, can you just send the medic here

Merry Dew: No problem

(She walks up to an Orc and points to the Orc on the ground)

Merry Dew: Okay the medic is coming.

Orc: Thanks

(Then he falls flat on his back)

Nasty Dwarf: Are you done know?

Argornia: What? Oh yeah we can go know

(Then they walk into the candy making lab).

Dorfro: Wow this place is big! Do they make all the candy here?

Argornia: Nope most of it is made in Cooldor. Only lifesavers are made here, that's why this place looks deserted. They haven't made them in about two years because they lost the last package.

Dorfro: Really, does anyone know where it is?

Purple: Man you are stupid, and I thought I put tape on your mouth?

Dorfro: That's my name, and it fell off

Nasty Dwarf: No, Dorfro is your name

Dorfro: Oh yeah

Elf Girl: Will you just shut up!

Argornia: Elrondia said that there was a secret passage in here that will lead up to The S. Man's study, so start looking.

(Then they all start walking around)

Dorfro: Well where is it?

Argornia: It's secret so it's hidden, duh!

(Then Argornia, Merry Dew and Dear God stop in front of a door where at the top it says "Secret passage to The S. Man's study" with flashing signs all of it another one says "Visit The S. Man here" in bright letters Argornia looks at them and they look dumbfounded, shethen smiles)

Argornia: 50 bucks says that this is the secret passage and we'll meet The S. Man at the top

Merry Dew and Dear God: Your on

(Then Argornia opens the door and it's a stairway upstairs)

Argornia: Fork it over

(Then Merry Dew and Dear God give Argornia 50 dollars a piece)

Nasty Dwarf: Man you guys are total idiots

Dear God: Shut up before I kill you

Nasty Dwarf: Whatever

Purple is halfway up the stairs: Are you guys coming or what?

(Then the rest of them run up after her)


	17. Scene Sixteen

Disclaimer: Don't own anything that isn't mine!

**Scene16 **

(They get to the top of the stairs but they stop at the door.)

Argornia: Wait, give me the lifesaver package

Dorfro: Why?

Argornia: Because we don't trust you with it

Dorfro: But I want to keep it

(Then they all take out their swords)

Dear God: Give her the package

Dorfro: No!

Dear God: See, this is why I was supposed to kill him

Sam: Dorfro give Argornia the package or we will kill you

Dorfro: Fine

Elf Girl: Yeah, we don't have to kill him.

(Then they all look at her in disgust)

Elf Girl: Come on we can't just go around killing people...right?

Sam: Wrong answer

Nasty Dwarf: I mean come on we are allowed to kill people because we are making new lifesavers for the public.

Elf Girl: Whatever, I think it's wrong to kill

Argornia: Wait a minute, you're telling me that you killed all of those orcs, but you don't like killing.

Elf Girl: That's different.

Dear God: No it isn't because in real life those orcs were people.

Elf Girl: What! I killed people.

Argornia: Not really, but you can think that.

Elf Girl: Someone had to have set me up to do this, who did?

Argornia in a joking voice with everyone laughing in the background: It was The S. Man

Elf Girl: Then lets go kill him.

(Then they all run through the door and they find The S. Man playing with dolls)

Argornia laughing hysterically: Are you playing with dolls?

(Dear God, Nasty Dwarf, Sam, Merry Dew, Purple, Dorfro and almost Argornia fall on the ground laughing their heads off)

Dorfro: Even I don't do that.

S. Man: No I'm not playing with dolls.

Purple: Then what are those?

(Pointing to a bunch of dolls)

S. Man: Um...they're my little sister's, yeah!

Merry Dew: You don't have one.

Sam: Everyone knows that.

S. Man: How does everyone know that?

Dear God: Because we all know that you only care about your stupid orcs and you had them kill your own mother a long time ago

S. Man: How do people know that?

Nasty Dwarf: Because you told everyone a long time ago, duh?

S. Man: Oh I forgot

Argornia: So what's with the dolls?

S. Man: None of your business, who are you anyways

(Argornia then comes out of the shadows)

S. Man: Argornia

Argornia: So at last we meet for the first time for the last time. (Thinks about what she said) Yeah.

S. Man: Before you die, there is something you should know about us, Argornia

Argornia: What?

S. Man: I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former room-mate.

Argornia: And what's that make us?

S. Man: Absolutely nothin'

Dorfro: Oh a battle I just love battles

(Argornia and the S. Man take out their swords and everyone else sits down to watch)

S. Man: You have the almighty powerful sword that used to be your father's

Argornia: And I see that you have its twin

S. Man: Now let's see how well you handle it.

(S. Man walks over to Argornia and they start fighting)

(S. Man pulls back a little too far and knocks off a sound manager from the crew

He screams and falls off a ledge. Argornia and S. Man stop fighting.)

S. Man: Ummm, she did it.

Argornia: What?

(Argornia swipes at S. Man and he blocks it. They start fighting again. They swipe at each until their swords get twisted.)

S. Man: Man I hate it when my sword gets twisted. Okay maybe if I put my leg up on yours we can split apart

(The S. Man puts his foot and Argornia's leg)

S. Man: Good, yeah. On three; one, two, three, go.

(The S. Man and Argornia pull away from each other. Their swords fall out of their arms along with a couple of valuable rings. S. Man looks up and picks his sword. He points it at Argornia. Argornia does the same and points her's at the S. Man. They move in closer. Their swords touch ends. (They are trying to cause the other to lose their sword with the magic inside them.) The S. Man drops his sword. Argornia swipes at the S. Man's helmet. It doesn't make a mark. She tries again, same. She tries again, same. S. Man lifts his mask up and laughs at him. Argornia drops the sword. She punches S. Man's face. S. Man's mask falls down. He picks up his sword and charges at Argornia. Argornia holds him back with her hands. S. Man swipes at her several times. Argornia lets go of S. Man. S. Man runs into a wall with his helmet.)

S. Man: So, Argornia, your mother has taught you well. If there is one thing I despise, it is a fair fight. But if I must than I must. May the best man win. Put 'er there.

(Offers to shake his hand)

(Argornia goes to shake his hand. S. Man takes her father's ring off of her hand.)

S. Man: The ring. I can't believe you fell for the oldest trick in the book. What a goof. What's with you man? Come on. You know what? No, here let me give it back to you.

(Offers the ring back)

(Argornia goes up to get the ring. S. Man throws it into the pit full of dead orcs. Steph tries to catch it in mid air, doesn't and then falls.)

S. Man: Oh, look. You fell for that, too. I can't believe it man.

(Argornia gets up and runs to the corner)

S. Man: So, Argornia, now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.

(S. Man tries to hit Argornia with his sword. Argornia dodges. S. Man tries again. Argornia dodges. S. Man tries again. Argornia dodges. S. Man tries again. Argornia dodges. Argornia backs into another corner.)

S. Man: Very impressive, Argornia. Too bad this isn't the Wide World of Sports.

Her father's voice: Use the ring on the sword, Argornia. Use the ring

Argornia: I can't, I lost it

Her Father: Forget that ring. That ring is made out of a pumpkin. I found it in a Cracker Jack box. The other ring holds the family's power. The silver and green one, it's in that one, with that ring you can get him to make more lifesavers for the world.

Argornia: Alright, I'll try

S. Man: Say good bye Argornia

(Argornia points her ring at the sword. She then hits him on the head with it and he falls back in to his chair)

Castle's Voice: Thank you for sticking The S. Man in his chair, he will now be strapped down and cannot move.

S. Man: What!?

(Then he gets duck tapped to it by little men)

(Argornia stands there with everyone else behind her)


	18. Scene Seventeen

Disclaimer: Don't own anything that isn't mine!

**Scene 17**

S. Man: So why are you guys really here?

Dorfro: We came to see you play with your dolls of course

(Then everyone stares at him)

Dorfro: What?

S. Man: Is he always this stupid?

Merry Dew: Worse

Sam: At least you didn't have to travel with him for a couple of days

S. Man: True

Argornia: Shut up you guys we're on a quest

S. Man: And some how that quest has to deal with me

Dorfro: Yup, wait how does it deal with him?

Elf Girl: Okay I have an idea, why don't you shut up for the rest of the day?

Dorfro: Okay

Argornia: Yes this quest has to deal with you; we have come with the last pack of lifesavers

(Then Argornia shows the last pack to the S. Man)

S. Man: How did you guys get those?

Argornia: Truth be told, we really don't know

Merry Dew: Anyways we want you to make more for the rest of the country and start up the candy business again.

Elf Girl: And become good

(The S. Man starts laughing)

S. Man: I can't turn good, it's not me, besides what would I do with the Nazblack and the orcs, they would kill me if I disowned them

Argornia: We don't care, truth be told the Nazblack aren't really evil they're just cool

Dear God: They're the coolest guys in the whole land, and they do good deeds, not bad ones, plus they're my best friends

Sam: And your orcs just like to fight and play the x-box all day long

S. Man: That doesn't solve anything. What do I do with them?

Purple: Don't worry we'll think of something

Nasty Dwarf: I know, we can make a huge house for the orcs filled with big screen TV's and they all have x-boxes

Dear God: That's so cool, I would live there!

Dorfro and Nasty Dwarf: Me too

Elf Girl: Whatever

Sam: So does that mean that you will make more lifesavers and candy?

S. Man: Sure, they're fun to make

Argornia: Just one last question, why do you hate me so much, besides that fact that I killed a lot of your orcs?

S. Man: Well the truth is, your family is the true owners of Doomdor. Your great, great, great grandfather bought it from mine a long time ago

Argornia: So what you're saying is that I'm the Queen of Cooldor and Doomdor

S. Man: That and it was your great, great grandfather that invented lifesavers and candy, my family just loved to make it. So your great, great grandfather struck a deal with my family giving this land for us to make the candy as long as we gave it to other countries. But when your father learned that mine turned evil, he automatically took this land away from us. (By this time everyone was sitting on chairs listening to what the S. Man said)

But my family didn't go away; instead we stayed here and made orcs to help us keep our land. So when I saw you last year coming here to see eat the second to last pack of lifesavers, I knew it was you because of that sword and ring you carry, the symbol of the royal blood of Cooldor. I was automatically determined to kill you and that's why you're always running from orcs.

Argornia: So for the past year I've had orcs chasing after me just so I didn't find out about this and take my families land back?

S. Man: Yup

Argornia: Purple, did you know about this?

Purple: Yup, known about it my whole life, just wanted to make sure it's true that's all, and if it was I was to make sure that you get your land back and your true title

Sam: Cool, she has a true title?

Purple: Yup, since her great, great grandfather created the lifesavers, everyone in your family has taken up the title King of the Lifesavers or Queen of the Lifesavers

Elf Girl: So her name should be Argornia Queen of The Lifesavers?

Purple: Yup, it even says that on your birth certificate (Shows them all it)

Argornia: Cool

S. Man: So do I have to give up my land?

Argornia: What, no as long as you make candy you can keep your land, orcs and the

Nazblack. We can rebuild your castle so it looks kind and you can use you Nazblack as delivery people.

S. Man: Never thought of that, truth be told I've always wanted to turn our family around and become good but I wouldn't know what to do with my life and now I have a reason.

Dorfro: So what happens next?

Nasty Dwarf: Didn't the dead guy mention something about Dorfro guys?

Elf Girl: Ewe… dead guy, he was ugly! He was so ugly; I never want to see a dead person again.

Nasty Dwarf: Look a dead person (Points to an orc)

Elf Girl: Ewe…. I do think the dead guy said something about Dofro

Argornia: Yes he did, it was that we can kill Dorfro when this is all over

Sam: And isn't this all over?

S. Man: I guess so

Purple: Time to kill Dofro!

Dorfro: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…………..

(Everyone gets out their swords and walks up to Dorfro with them in their hands and an evil look on their faces. The screen flashes up on their faces and it looks like they have flash lights under their chins.)

Dorfro: Why do you guys want to kill me, I just don't understand?

Argornia: A.) You're annoying

Sam: B.) You're annoying

Purple: and C.) we just want to get rid of you

Dorfro: But I have come up with an easier way to get rid of me

Merry Dew: And that might be?

(They are all still approaching him with their swords)

Elf Girl: And it better be a good reason

Dorfro: Okay, you guys can either A.) Take me home or B.) Leave me here to be the servant and slave to the candy makers

(They all stop walking towards him)

Argornia: Well what do you think S. Man, if we leave him here you'll have to deal with him, but on the bright side you can make him miserable and make him do anything you want him to do

S. Man: I like that idea

Purple: Then it's settled. We leave Dorfro here

Dorfro: I liveeeeeeeeee………….

Nasty Dwarf: Okay, shut up

Dorfro: Shutting up

Argornia: So when are you going to start to make the lifesavers again?

S. Man: I don't know, but I will soon.

(And at that moment a bunch of people ran into the room screaming)

People: You all just got punked, none of this really happened, well it did but there were some people on your journey that we changed.

Person: Oh yeah, we rule!

(They start screaming again and then run out of the room the way they came in.)

Elf Girl: Okay, that was very strange

Sam: Um, yeah

Argornia: Okay did we really just get punked while making this movie or did I write that in the script?

Dorfro: I don't know

Purple: Can we just get back to the movie

S. Man: Fine miss grumpy

Argornia: Dear God, go get the papers that say "The S. Man will never use this place for evil, he will only use it for making candy, aka Lifesavers" okay?

Dear God: Be right back

S. Man: Why do I need to sign that?

Argornia: Because I don't want you going evil again

Purple: And if you do she can kill you

S. Man: Well that's comforting

Elf Girl: So, when are we going to get some Lifesavers?

S. Man: When I tell the Naz black to go and get them

Argornia: They wont listen to you they never have.

S. Man: And how do you know that.

Nasty: Because they're like her best friends

Argornia: Just tell them Argornia is here

(S. Man then goes over to the intercom to the downstairs main office.)

S. Man: Kelly, can you please send the Naz Black up here, oh and tell them Argornia is here.

Kelly: Right away sir

Dorfro: When do I start working

(They all look at him and they see foam coming out of his mouth. They all run and push themselves up against the wall. I mean what would you think it is?)

Purple: Where were you?

Dorfro: (Staring at them with foam still dripping out of his mouth) just down with the dogs of Doomdor, why?

Purple to S. Man: Do any of your dogs have rabies?

S. Man: Maybe, all they really do is stay down in there and annoying any tourists.

Elf Girl: Well how do you know it's rabies, he could be just pulling a prank on us?

Argornia, Merry Dew, Nasty Dwarf, S. Man and Sam: He has Rabies

(At that moment Dear God and the Naz Black walk in the room)

Dear God: Wow, what's wrong with Dorfro, well besides what was wrong with him before.

Merry Dew: He has rabies

Bob: (One of the Naz Black) Can we kill him?

Argornia: Now, Bob there are some other things we can do.

Purple: Like what?

Nasty Dwarf: We could lock him yup in a room for the rest of his life

Argornia: We could use him as a tourists attraction, "The Amazing Rabies Boy", uh?

(They all nod their heads.)

S. Man: So who's going to get him in a cage?

Dorfro: cage, I like cages, where's a cage

Argornia: Well that's easy

(Then they put a cage right in front of him and he gets right into it.)

Dear God: Well, here's that paper you wanted

Argornia: Oh, thank you.

Purple: So what are we going to do with Dorfro

S. Man: Lock him with the dogs that have rabies?

Everyone: Sure

Bob: Sir, what do you need us for?

S. Man: Argornia would like to speak to you

Argornia: Guys can you go and get the Lifesavers that the S. Man has been hiding for all of these years?

Bob: Right away

(Then they leave)


End file.
